At a certain point in my life, I just wanted to feel better.
That’s all I wanted.
I was looking at myself in the mirror, wondering what happened. What I saw was a far cry from the strong athletic person I once knew myself to be. I wasn’t in horrible shape, but I felt so disconnected from myself. I was overweight, and I felt it. My jeans were tight. Again.
Back then I worked a lot and was out of balance. I was constantly scrambling to meet everyone else’s needs before mine because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I didn’t sleep well because I was stressed. I was in an unhealthy relationship, knowing full well I should have left long ago. I was tired all of the time.
I ate to avoid facing how unhappy I was and to avoid doing tasks I found uncomfortable, like picking up the phone to call clients. The more I ate, the more weight I’d gain and the more I judged myself harshly.
If this was what getting older looked like, it sucked.
I knew that I needed to do something to take care of myself, so I looked at joining a Crossfit gym. I had never invested that much in myself before for a fitness plan, and even though I started to make up reasons not to go through with it, I tried it anyway. I did this for 3 or 4 months and then I stopped after another crisis pulled my attention away.
But the pattern played out for another year. I ended the unhealthy relationship soon afterwards to start reclaiming my life. I changed my diet a number of times, I tried workouts I found online. I’d get frustrated because my fitness level was so low that I couldn’t finish the workouts, so I gave up very easily.
I reached a breaking point. Deep down, I knew who I was – strong, powerful, athletic, fun. I spent so long living in a way that wasn’t congruent with who I truly am, I had to admit that I needed help finding my way back. I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t do it on my own.
Asking for help was the hardest thing for me to do. I had to acknowledge that I didn’t have all of the answers and let someone else show me what to do.
I looked at my options and found a kettlebell class that seemed interesting, so I signed up for it. I enjoyed it, but felt defeated at the same time because I could barely lift 15 lbs. I had always seen myself as someone who was strong and athletic. I felt like it would be impossible to get to that again.
I kept going to class though, because I was motivated enough to make a change, and I had someone I felt comfortable with to ask questions or bring up new awareness.
I was still seeking a breakthrough in my fitness though. All the times before when I trained for marathons, triathlons or even soccer or weightlifting, I would reach a point when my mind would tell me to stop, it was too painful, or I was going to hurt myself. So I’d stop there and take break. I would stay stuck in that place of being able to do so many reps because I had to stop. There was a moment when I made a breakthrough.
After months of kettlebell training, I finally made it past that plateau. Something shifted in me because I made a powerful decision to move past my mind telling me that I couldn’t break through. I proved to myself that I can in fact do anything, and I can move past the mental blocks that I’ve been attached to for years.
I looked at my before and after pictures after 90 days of training. The results were amazing. At the age of 40, I bought a bikini for the first time in my life. I joined a new soccer team where the average age was 26. They looked to me for inspiration because I was “ripped,” and one of the fastest players on the team.
I felt confident, and years lighter.
For the first time in a long time, I got clear on what I wanted, and this started to translate into other areas of my life. I ended the business that no longer worked for me and created a platform to truly help people transform their relationship with their body.
Now, at 44 years old, I’ve continued on that path, despite some stumbles. I learned how to keep going and maintain health & fitness, even when chaos is swirling around you.
I discovered inner peace, happiness and a life where self-care comes first. I developed a relationship with God, that gets me through good times and challenging ones.
I see clearly how this impacts the quality of our relationships, work and lifestyle and I’m committed to helping others change this for themselves.
I believe that no matter where you are in your journey, you can make small changes every day that will become massive results.
To Your Incredible & Healthy Life,